


Here we go

by just_a_huge_nerd



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: And its super cute, Character Death, Civil War doesnt exist soz about it, Cutting, Depressed Peter Parker, Dysfunctional functional superfam, Eating Disorders, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Including the Author, IronDad and SpiderSon, Light Smut, M/M, May dies sorry, Original Characters - Freeform, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Mess, Self Harm, Slow Burn, Smut, Sorry again, Tony speaks Italian, Wade isn't old, based off real life events, boarding school is shit, carols haircut is for the lesbians, dont do it, everyone is a mess, jk that movie hurts my soul, no betas we die like men, please be safe :), should i do spideypool, trigger warning, try to change my mind, we shall see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 10,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22376527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_a_huge_nerd/pseuds/just_a_huge_nerd
Summary: After an unfortunate incident in which "Peter recklessly risked his life™", both May and Tony decide that it's best for him to get out of the city. So, instead of dealing with Peter and his various issues, they send him to a boarding school upstate.Little do they know that his mental health degrades even more... and he never knows when to ask for help.Me venting into more characters wow how surprising---> this whole thing is super triggering and graphically described self harm!! Please be safe <3
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	1. End of Discussion

Fuck

Fuck fuck

Shitty fuckity fuck

I fucked up. It wasn’t meant to get this bad. It was just meant to be a temporary thing. Just for a day. But it was good, I was fine. It was a hole. 

For you guys to understand, we have to go back a while…

~6 months ago~

“Give it to me.”  
May had just walked into the room. 

“What are you talking about Aunt May?” Peter knew what she was talking about. The suit. It was always the suit. 

“The suit, Peter. Give it to me,” she demanded. 

Peter backed further into the wall. “No, May, please. You can’t … I- it’s all I have left.”

“Well, you should have thought about the consequences of your actions before you decided to recklessly risk your life!” She was shouting now. 

“I didn’t- I- it was an accident! It won’t happen again, I promise May,” Peter was pleading now. 

“No, it won’t happen again your right. Because you’re going to give me the suit, and you’re never getting it back.”

This couldn’t be happening. Mr Stark would never-  
“Mr Stark gave me that suit. You can’t take it!”

“This was Tony’s idea,” May said firmly. “We also had a discussion about your schooling, and think that it’s best if you moved away from New York for a while.”

“WHAT?! What the fuck are you talking about May?” Peter was losing his mind. 

“Language Peter! We think that it’s best, given the recent events, that you take a break from the city. There’s a very nice and quiet boarding school upstate, and we think that-“

“I am not going to boarding school!” Peter was crying now, red in the face with tears bluring his vision. “After everything that’s just happen, leaving is the last thing I need!”

“Peter, Tony and I are the adults and we make the decisions about what’s best for you, and that is completing high school at Northwood boarding school. End of discussion.”

“But I-“

“End of discussion Peter. Now it's late, go to sleep,” she closed his door and Peter crawled into his bed.

This could not be happening. 

—————————————————————  
fuck.  
I can’t deal with this! I’m not mentally stable enough to leave my family and my friends to go to fucking boarding school! 

Fuck fuck fuck.  
This can’t be happening.  
I just slipped once! I’m fine! I can try hard, I can’t be good again. 

Fuck fuck.  
I don’t want to be good. I want to fall down the hole.  
And that was terrifying. 

—————————————————————  
Saying goodbye to Mr Stark was the hardest part. Peter was pissed at him for letting this happen, so pissed that he was happy to get away from him for six months, honestly. 

Happy drove Peter upstate three days before the beginning of term, unaccompanied. May was working nights and Mr Stark had some board meeting.  
So, Peter and Happy endured the slightly uncomfortable silence for the four hour car ride. The tension was relieved when they finally arrived and were surrounded by ancient looking buildings and a plain landscape.  
“Hello Peter, I’m Mr Hennessy, the boarding house director here at Northwood. So pleased to have you…”  
Here we go.  
—————————————————————  
Peters room was quite large, but he did have to share it with two other teenage boys, so it would probably get real small real soon.  
After an extremely long tour of the school and a uniform fitting, Peter finally retired to his room, immediately going to the squeaky single bed with his name on it and falling into it. 

“Hi?” A voice came from the doorway. Peter looked up to find a rather short, muscular boy with dirty blonde hair standing at the bed closest to the door. “I’m Zack Fury. You must be new.”  
The boy held out his hand, but Peter didn’t shake it. “Peter. Parker.” Was all he said, not bothering to elaborate.  
“Rigghhtt. Well Pete, let me know if I can help you with anything.”  
Peter nodded half heartedly and turned back towards his corner of the room, now paying it more attention. The was a desk, a closet and a bedside table as well as the small bed all crammed in.  
He opened his backpack and brought out his headphones. He might as well listen to music while he unpacked the few things that he brought with him.  
From across the room, Zack gave him an unreadable look. 

Great.


	2. Who knew not eating had side effects?

He opened his backpack and brought out his headphones. He might as well listen to music while he unpacked the few things that he brought with him.  
From across the room, Zack gave him an unreadable look. 

Great. 

~a week later~

The food here tastes like nothing. The people are all rich snobby brats and I hate my life.  
Maybe I deserve this. At least I’m far away from May and Mr Stark so they can’t get dragged down by my Parker luck.  
—————————————————————  
I am about to be forced to “bond” with my “family table” (the people at my table for dinner) by going on a scavenger hunt around campus.  
Outwardly, I look completely regular, just chilling on my bed listening to music but I can’t get up. Every time I do, it just gets harder and harder. I’m not even listening to music at this point, just putting earphones in so my roommates don’t talk to me.  
A voice cuts through the silence.  
“We’re leaving in 3! Let’s go!” It was Peter's other roommate, Stephen, a tall skinny brunette.  
When I don’t move still, Stephen sighs. “It’s not that bad. This will all get easier I promise. Now, are you ready?”  
It doesn’t seem like I have any say in the matter, so he stood up.  
“Born ready.”  
—————————————————————  
Okay, so Peter had totally underestimated how physically demanding this scavenger hunt thing would be. The boys at Northwood didn’t mess around when it came to any competition, even friendly ones.  
Garret and Simon, the seniors in his group were continually making everyone hurry, determined to win. All the exercise was making Peter feel extremely light headed and stupid for not eating any breakfast.  
A half an hour later, he could hardly stand, and this wasn’t going unnoticed by the rest of his group- Oliver, Tyler, George and Ben (they seemed alright).  
“Dude, do you need to take a break? We can stop if you need a minute” That was Simon.  
No. He could do this. He isn’t this weak. He was Spiderman.

But, just like Spiderman, he was a failure.

“No, no I’m fine. We’re almost done anyway!” Peter managed to say in between puffing.  
“Okay, if you’re sure,” Peter didn’t even know who said this, as he was so relieved to have the centre of attention be something else once again. 

An hour later, the group was sprinting across the main oval towards the dorms and finally, the finish point. They were the first ones there. They had won.

The prize was an unlimited raid of the kitchens, which would have usually have been extremely appealing to Peter, like most growing teenaged boys. But right now, all he wanted to do was collapse into bed and sleep forever.

Which he did. Almost.  
Once again, he was disrupted by his roommates, Zach and Steven who claimed it was dinner time.  
“I’m just going to stay in bed. Will you guys tell Mr H that I’m not feeling well?” He did actually sound sick, which was unsurprising.  
“Oh no no no. I’m telling you mate, you give them one reason to think you’re sick and you’ll be stuck in quarantine for a week. Trust us, not as fun as it sounds” said Stephen.  
“Come on, you can go right to bed after. I promise,” said Zach.  
“Fine. I’m coming.” Peter gave in. “I’ll see you there.”

If Peter was lighter, that meant that he would be able to swing faster! And then he would be able to save everybody. Yeah. Right. He’ll never be good enough.

‘I’ll just have something light. Surely that can’t do any harm?’

Boy was he wrong.


	3. Dwellings

Northwoods school assemblies were very different from Midtown. First of all, the teachers wore super creepy robes with different coloured sashes and there was an old, humongous pipe organ that gave the old hall a harrowing feel.  
Secondly, the assemblies always went overtime, resulting in the rest of the days’ classes changing and moving to make room.  
And finally, the thing that bugged Peter most- the expectations. Every single assembly, without fail, the Assistant Principal, Mr Kiepe would always go on the same spiel-“we have high expectations of you” and “the people who send you here have high expectations of you”.  
Every Monday morning, images of Tony flashed in his minds’ eye, making want to shrink into a tiny ball and disappear.  
Mr Stark didn’t even say goodbye before he left. It killed Peter to think about how much he had disappointed him.

“And if you died, I feel like that’s on me”

If one thing had gone differently that day, Mr Stakr would have blamed himself for the rest of his life.

And that, that would be on Peter. 

_________________________________________________________________________  
It started with finding one of his old blades. Tiny, fragile but so powerful. It reminded him of a better time in his life- just before Ben died, just before his life collapsed all over again.

He had been cutting for a couple of months after Bens’ murder, and after the bite, it just got worse. He had an extremely fast metabolism and healing abilities and he abused them to an inch of his death.  
Part of him wanted, no needed to stop. For May if not for himself. The other, much louder and malicious part of him wanted to see how far he could go. Could he even die? At that point, he was skin and bone and had to wear several layers of clothing to even resemble a normal-sized person. 

But, inevitably, May found out - she always did- and he got help. 

He had been clean for almost a year before The Incident (in which Peter had ‘recklessly risked his life’ and was apparently ‘falling back into old patterns’). So, her first thought was to send him away. That’s how he ended up in this torturous institution. 

An institution that he was meant to be giving attention to a dreary assembly right now. Oops.


	4. Unexplainable

So yeah. Thats how it started again? Sorry this is shit lol. Hope everything makes sense :)

Asdfghjkl i don’t even know what I’m doing with my life or this story and i am so sorry for that  
_________________________________________________________________________

Wow. So, this was his life now. Cutting in the school bathrooms. Peter never expected to stoop quite this low. 

Cutting in the shower? That’s fine, he’s been doing that for a while. Before bed? Well, yeah, of course, it makes sleeping on his side a good type of stingy. He had even started carrying his blade around in his phone case, so when he needed it it was always there. 

And boy, did he love cold weather of upstate New York. He didn’t only love being cold and getting all snuggled up in blankets, Peter loved being able to hide his arms. 

The underside of his arms was easily the best place to cut. Hips, legs and stomach just aren’t the same, ya know? 

The beauty of the tiny red bubbles coming to greet him from under thin, pale skin would always bring a smile to his face, (a rarity these days). Or sometimes- actually more often or note lately, the streaks of shiny red streaks cascading down his skin, the perfect contrast. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last time when it got bad, Sam was there for him. He was kind of like a cousin, but not related by blood, a family friend. He was 5 years older than Peter but had gone through the same stuff when he was Peters age.

Peter couldn’t understand why, but he was constantly at war within himself whenever Sam was catching up with him now. The confusing and contradicting feeling of wanting to sob and screams about all of the shit that was happening in his head and the need to stay silent and suffer quietly were always at war within him. 

He honestly couldn’t understand it.

This phenomenon was always particularly active when Peter and Sam hung out. Sam was the only thing from his old life that had come into this new, twisted fairytale. Sam’s family had moved upstate three years ago, and they started hanging out on weekends when Peter first arrived a semester ago.

One day, that unexplainable urge hit Peter like walking into a wall, and before he could stop himself, it just slipped out.

“I found a blade”


	5. Fine's a great word

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay so this was super funn- love basing this entire thing off my actual life hahaha. this particular chapter made me actually go back through my messages (yay)
> 
> If you want you can listen to Beowulf while reading this- it suits the vibe? Enjoy :)

They were down at the lake, just sitting at chatting about random things- tv shows, music, school work and other mundane activities. 

Honestly, Peter had zoned out, only contributing the occasional “mmhmm” or “yeah” to the conversation. He was thinking about what he was going to do when he got back to school- sleep then cut, or cut then sleep- the neverending decision. 

Then, without thinking he just

“I found a blade”

Sam, who had been talking about how Bruce Banner was totally his favourite avenger, stopped halfway through talking about Bruce’s seven PhDs. 

He swallowed, soaking in the information, and with respectable poise replied, “when?”

Peter, now realising what had just said, immediately stood up, as if disgusted by his own words. Fuck fuck fuck why did I say that.

“Peter, it’s okay. Just tell me when you found it” Sam’s voice was so calm, it almost lured Peter in, making him open up and spilling every little secret he possessed.

If he ran, they were too far away from anything to be able to get anywhere. But god, how Peter wanted to run at that moment, leaving everything behind.

“A week ago,” Peter lied through his teeth, wishing that Sam didn’t know his as well as he does.

“Bull. I’m not going to get angry okay?”

“Promise me you won’t tell anyone, okay? Promise me.” Peters’ voice was shaking.

“I promise, Peter. When?”. Peter always had been a terrible liar. 

“A month or so,”

“Peter this is important.” He obviously still didn’t believe him.

“Fine. September. It was September okay? Are you happy now?”

“Have you used it?”

He didn’t answer.

“It’s okay if you did, you know”

Pete nodded, yes.

“I’m really proud of you for telling me.”

… silence

“Where is it right now?” Sam asked, his voice careful.

Peters’ head snapped to Sam in a moment, “I’m not getting rid of it.” He said this with an empty finality on his voice.

“Why do you think you need it?” 

Peter didn’t answer.

“Please just tell me how bad it is?”

“Not bad at all, don’t worry.” They both knew he was lying, he couldn’t even be bothered making an effort to hide it at this point. Peter was so angry at himself- why couldn’t he just shut the fuck up? Why did he say anything in the first place? He’s doing fine. Great, even! He doesn’t need any help, or another person to be hurt because of him. 

After a moment of silence, Peter whispers, “I don’t want to die or anything. It just helps.”

Sam looked so sad at that moment. Not for himself, but for Peter, for the horrible hand he had been dealt in life.

Sam sighs. “Just… promise me no more tonight, okay?”

“Promise.” Peter scolds himself internally for lying, he’s always hated lying. “Do you promise to keep our promise from the beginning of our conversation?”

Sam looked sorrowfully at Peter. “I’m sorry Pete. But you’re hurting yourself. I know it feels like you are helping the pain, but you’re hurting yourself”

Peter knew where this was going and immediately shot up from the bench. “I- I’ll stop- just don’t tell anyone.”

“I love you so much.” His expression hadn’t changed.

“Please, they’ve been through enough.” Images of May, Tony, Ned flashed in his mind- theyre faces the last time this happened. The shock, the sadness, the guilt- ‘how could i not notice? He’s my responsibility…..’  
He couldn’t put them through that again.

“...And I don’t want to break our trust..” Sam continued despite Peter rambling to himself.

“Sam, I swear to god”

He paused. THen, “okay, but if we are doing this it’s serious. Like every day, you send me pictures of your cuts so I can make sure you’re clean. On Snapchat. So I know you aren’t faking it. And if you promise me that, then it can stay between us.”

Suddenly, Peter was furious. “Honestly, fuck this. You are being such a hypocrite.”

“How’s that?”

“You know what it’s like”

“I do”

“You know it helps.. I’ll stop soon”

“I know that it actually doesn’t help. It only makes it worse. Trust me, I learnt that the hard way”

“Yeah? Well so did I. I was clean- for six-fucking-months! And nothing got better, so what’s the point? I might as well be slightly less miserable, hell I’m even happy sometimes! I get good grades, I have good friends, WHat else do you want?!” Peter gradually worked up from a whisper to a shout.

“You can be mad at me if you want, But I’m really just trying to help you.”

Peter grunted in frustration. “I know! You’re just trying to do the right thing! And thats really fucking frustrating. “

“I know it feels like nothing is getting better, but you stopped for six months! That’s awesome. It’s huge. And next time you’ll surpass that, and it’ll be a breeze.”

Peter ignored him, too frustrated to process his words. “Do you promise?”

“If you follow what i said about the daily updates then yes. But I’m dead serious. Every day”

“Fine”

“Okay then. Starting tomorrow. The razor needs to go in the bin. A green bin or a school bin- with video evidence. THen tomorrow night, pictures- arms, legs, stomach.”

“Fine. Can we go now?”  
“Yeah sure. Let’s go”


	6. No Wonder

It was almost 7 pm when Peter got back to the boarding house. Dinner was at six, and he was glad to have missed it- he couldn’t be bothered socialising and trying to stuff down food only to throw it up later. It was easier this way. 

Fuck. What had just happened? Why did he do that? He couldn’t stop, even if he wanted to, but he also couldn’t put everyone who cares about him through that trauma again. 

So, he did what he knew- his favourite not-so-coping mechanism- his blade. He pulled it out of his phone case, unfolded the paper that it was held in and went into the bathroom. Arms, stomach, legs, hips, deep and red. The skin parted, filling with red, dripping down onto the floor. 

The sad thing is, after a while, it doesn’t help, so you go deeper, and deeper until… until he hit a vein and comes screeching to a halt.

Its’ beauty was mesmerising. The spectacle had evolved from the small, insignificant roll of a few drops, to the earth-shattering cascade of blood, delightful and superb. 

“Promise you won’t do any more tonight”. Sam’s words rang through his head.   
It was too late, why stop now?

He switched arms, using his slightly less coordinated left-hand to mimic the movements of his right. Thigh, stomach, wrist- boom- the big finale- the magic spot that made everything feel better and covered his desperate brain in ecstasy. 

He walked from the bathroom to his room, opening his mirror and looked at himself. It was not a pretty sight.  
He had dark shadows under his eyes, his face hollow and gaunt. He was pointy and bony, no muscles and no old light in his eye. No quirk in his leaps, nor skip in his step. It was the kind of sad that you couldn’t hide, even if you were the best actor on the planet.

No wonder everyone gave him such strange looks. He was terrifying.


	7. Late First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bruuhh i almost made the "to" vs "too" grammar mistake and I am so disappointed in myself.

\------

/He had dark shadows under his eyes, his face hollow and gaunt. He was pointy and bony, no muscles and no old light in his eye. No quirk in his leaps, nor skip in his step. It was the kind of sad that you couldn’t hide, even if you were the best actor on the planet.

No wonder everyone gave him such strange looks. He was terrifying./

\-------

May Parker slowly walked to her car, exhausted after working a 12-hour shift in ED. She drove home, she showered and then left again. The drive to Northwood was unfamiliar and the landscape was empty. 

When she finally arrived at the big iron gates, it was almost 3 in the afternoon, just in time to surprise Peter after he finished class.

May hadn’t been to Northwood to visit Peter yet, but then again, it’s not every day that a young man turns 16. 

\------

Peter hated his birthday. He hated his birthday so much, that when people asked him when it was, he would randomly say a day that has already passed. The only thing he used to enjoy about his birthday was getting Thai with May. 

In fact, Peter was remembering one of his favourite birthday memories as he walked the long route from the Hansond Building back to the boarding house. 

This time two years ago, Peter and May were still grieving Ben, and Peter had only just started cutting. Little tiny scratches speckled across his arms and thighs- only tiny. He was fine. He was doing great. 

But then, his birthday came, missing all the traditions that he and Ben used to complete- chocolate and presents in bed in the morning, getting ice cream at Mr Delmars’ after school, and then taking a walk around Queens and talking about his day. May tried her hardest to do the same things, but it wasn’t anywhere near the same.

Late that night, blood dripped down his arms and thighs, spattering quietly on the bathroom tiles, painting the bathroom red. 

May found out a few weeks later and Peter got help, but to this day, standing on a red floor, smiling at himself in the mirror, that was his happy place.

\-------

Peter walked past the rest of the boys in the kitchen, and straight to his room, getting into PJs and crawling into bed, too exhausted to even attempt socialising. 

He listens to music, slowly falling asleep, but then comes rushing back down to Earth when he hears a familiar “Pete?” coming from the entrance to the room.

Was it-? 

He stood up ungracefully, smiling at the woman, “May!”

But she didn’t look excited anymore, she looked horrified, staring at Peter with shock.

He began to ask her why, but then he remembered- he was wearing short-sleeved PJs, and his crisscrossed cuts were out to the world to see.

“Fuck”


	8. Sent Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger for car crashes? and as always, mental health issues such as self harm and eating issues. Please be safe!

After getting shown to Peter’s room by a boarding house supervisor, May sighed. It was Perers’ birthday, and he was asleep at 3:30 in the afternoon. This kid.

“Pete?” God, she didn’t realise how much she missed him until he was right there.

There was a stirring from under the covers on Peters’ bed, then he emerged, stumbling, still half asleep. When did he get so skinny?

“May!” Happiness surged through her, the sight of him made her heartache in a good way. But then, she just had to look down. His arms were covered in deep, inflamed cuts, in all directions and at different stages of healing.

She looked up at Peter, desperately with a ‘Surely this isn’t happening’ expression.

All she hears from the small boy is “fuck.”

\--------

May swallows, trying to regain her composure. 

First, make sure he’s safe. Right. She can do that. 

Without speaking she walks over to Peter and examines the cuts. They probably had been ridiculously deep about twenty minutes ago, but luckily Peters’ enhanced healing factor had saved his life… again. 

Okay, so he was okay- physically.

How long had this been going on? How long had she been completely oblivious?

They’d have to get to that later.

Second, make sure the area is safe.

May’s eyes scanned the room for anything sharp or dangerous in the room or what he had been using but didn’t find anything. Just clothes, blankets and a lot of school books. 

‘Okay. I can do this. It’s not about you, this is about him and making sure she’s okay’ she had to remind herself. 

Finished, for now, she stepped back, and looked at Peter. 

To say he looked terrible would be kind. Dark bags under his eyes, pale gaunt face, and dull eyes. 

“Peter…” May trailed off. She didn’t know where to start. “I’m sorry- I can’t believe- I’m so sorry I sent you away”

Peter looked at her for the first time, tears in his eyes. He opened his mouth, but he couldn’t form any words. He just broke down, sobbing. Everything he had felt in the last six months came pouring out- having to leave, meeting new people, trying to make friends, keeping with the workload, the ‘high expectations’- everything.

May sat silently on the floor and listened, drying his tears and doing what she can to comfort him. When he had gone silent, she spoke.

“Right, then. Let’s go.” She said, getting up.

“I- wait, what?” Then she was helping him up too, but why, or where she was planning on going, he had no clue. 

“Pack what you need for a couple of days. We’ll leave in five minutes. Where do you keep your bags?” She started rustling around in his wardrobe.

“May, Stop. May!” She stopped and looked at him. “What are you doing? Where are we going?”

“I’m not sure yet, but not here. Home. I’m getting you out of this place right now.” She started rambling under her breath, talking about how she shouldn’t have sent him here while stuffing twenty pairs of underwear into a duffle bag.

Peter almost had to pinch himself to make sure this was real. This had been his dream since he first entered this school. 

He took a deep breath and started packing. 

\-------

Saying that Peter was never coming back turned out to be slightly easier said than done. But, after a solid twenty minutes of sitting in the waiting room and listening to May threaten the head of boarding a few rooms away, they finally left.

Sitting in the car, about to drive off, May turned to him. “Don’t think that we’re not going to talk about this.” She had a stern but concerned look on her face.

“Yeah, I know May.” Peter, however, planned on delaying that particular conversation for as long as he could. 

Once they were out on the main road, May pulled out her phone and dialled a number. Peter was trying to guess who it was until-

“May? Is everything okay? Is Peter-”

“He’s safe. Tony, I- he can’t go back to that place. He’s coming back to live in the city.”

“What? May, seriously what’s going on?” Tony sounded worried.

“I’ll explain later. We’ll talk tomorr-”

May was cut off by Peter yelling something, and then suddenly everything was flying everywhere and the car was flipping.

Peter looked over at May because shit she was on the side that got hit- and

“May? May! No no no no, you’re okay.” He was trying to hold her, to help her, to do anything, but his stupid seatbelt was- he ripped it off, landing on the ceiling of the car and crawling over to May.

He couldn’t hear her heartbeat. 

“May! No no don’t leave alone. Please, please don’t leave me too”

But he was too late.


	9. Can't I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just want to apologise in advance if my depiction of disassociating is incorrect? I've never actually experienced it, so if there are any changes that I can make to make it more accurate, please let me know!

“I’ll explain later. We’ll talk tomorr-”

May was cut off by Peter yelling something, and then suddenly everything was flying everywhere and the car was flipping.

Peter looked over at May because shit she was on the side that got hit- and

“May? May! No no no no, you’re okay.” He was trying to hold her, to help her, to do anything, but his stupid seatbelt was- he ripped it off, lading on the ceiling of the car and crawling over to May.

He couldn’t hear her heartbeat. 

“May! No no don’t leave alone. Please, please don’t leave me too”

But he was too late. 

Chapter 9

Peter rested his head on Mays’ chest. He became completely oblivious to everything: the world around him, to time itself. Seconds could have passed. Hours could have passed. He didn’t know, and he didn’t care. All he knew was that he couldn’t leave May alone, he had to protect her. He existed in an altered state, a state that just barely kept the grief and terror at bay. 

He couldn’t- wouldn’t believe that she was gone. So long as he refused to acknowledge it, it didn’t actually happen, right?

Footsteps and voices eventually sounded, and Peter lifted his head up. People poured onto the scene, lots of them. He couldn't really make out any of them. He didn't need to. They were threats, threats Peter had to keep May safe from. A couple of them approached him, and he leapt up, raising his hands protectively in front of his body.

Logically, Peter knew that they were just trying to help her, to help him. They moved him from the car, with some difficulty to somewhere that had more lights. People were touching him, but he didn’t even notice.

Peter tried to focus on something, anything that could bring him back, so he could help May. He could hear a voice, it was a nice voice, familiar.

“Peter? You’re okay…” he tried to focus, but he didn’t want to.

“Pete? Kid? Hey, it’s Tony. I got you, kid. You’re gonna be okay.”

Tony, May, school, the crash- it all came flooding back to Peter.  
Peter didn’t respond, just mourned silently. He was vaguely aware of being ushered into a car and then ushered out again who knows how long later.

Then suddenly, he’s in bed and having a dreamless sleep.

\---------

It was a Thursday night, and Tony was working in his lab, trying to increase his repulser thrust, and Steve was pretending to help him. 

Then FRIDAY cut in saying “incoming call from May Parker. Would you like to reroute to head-up display?”

“Yeah thanks, FRI,” There was a pause, and then static. “May? Is everything okay? Is Peter-”  
“He’s safe. Tony, I- he can’t go back to that place. He’s coming back to live in the city.” Steve had glanced up from his book now, looking at Tony with concern in his eyes.  
“What? May, seriously what’s going on?” Tony could hardly breathe, his brain flooding with all the things that might have happened to the kid- his kid.  
“I’ll explain later. We’ll talk tomorr-”  
There was a scream and a smash and then nothing.  
“May? May! Are you okay? Steve I- she’s, Steve?”  
Steve was beside him, he always was when Tony needed him.  
“FRIDAY, call upstate New York EMTs and send them to the car’s location now,” Steve said, trying to keep Tony calm, stroking his shoulder the way he liked it.  
“Steve- they crashed. What if- Peter?” Tony was hyperventilating, and Steve recognised this as the beginning of a panic attack.  
“Hey, Tones, listen to me okay? Just focus on my voice, okay? I’m right here with you Tony. Peter’s going to be okay, the medics will be there soon, okay?”  
Medics weren’t good enough he had to make sure he was okay, he had to go himself.  
“Okay, then let’s go.” Apparently Tony had said that out loud.  
\---

The scene was a wreck. Glass all over the road, car upside-down with missing doors and ceiling caved in. 

Then there was Peter, skinny, and pale and injured, but alive. Tony practically ran to his gurney, Steve following behind. 

“Peter? You’re okay.” The kid was totally out of it, glazed eyes, and emotionless face. “Pete? Kid? Hey, it’s Tony. I got you, kid. You’re gonna be okay.”

Tony turned to the paramedic who was currently stitching up a cut on Peters’ forehead. “Where’s the woman? May Parker, she was driving?” Tony turned around to look for her, maybe she was being stitched up too. He had so many questions about tonight.

“I’m sorry sir, but she passed away on impact. You have my condolences.” The man looked genuinely sorry too, but Tony refused to believe it. May couldn’t be gone- she was so young and… and the only family that Peter had left. “It took four of us to get the kid to let go of her, stronger than he looks.” 

“She was his last living relative. And now she’s gone, and he has nothing.” Tony couldn’t believe this. He just wanted to scream because this kid has been through enough, and he doesn’t deserve any of the shit that’s happened to him.

“He’s not alone, he has you. And me, and the rest of the team. We can look after him.”

“I just- how can I look after a teenager who’s just lost the last person he had, when I can’t even look after myself? And why did they leave? What happened? I just have so many questions, and she’s not even here to answer them.” Tony was starting to freak out again.

‘No. You have to be strong for Peter right now, you can break down later. Just get him out of here.’ Tony tried to collect himself. 

“Okay, we’ll take it from here. Thank you for your help.” Tony gestures to Steve and he picks him up like he weighs nothing and carries him over to the car.

“I’m sorry sir, but you can’t just-”

Tony takes off his sunglasses and hat for the first time, giving the man a glare.

“Can’t I?” Tony asks and walks away. He had a kid to take care of.


	10. The Adventures of Peter Parker in Civilian Clothing

“I just- how can I look after a teenager who’s just lost the last person he had, when I can’t even look after myself? And why did they leave? What happened? I just have so many questions, and she’s not even here to answer them.” Tony was starting to freak out again.

‘No. You have to be strong for Peter right now, you can break down later. Just get him out of here.’ Tony tried to collect himself. 

“Okay, we’ll take it from here. Thank you for your help.” Tony gestures to Steve and he picks him up like he weighs nothing and carries him over to the car.

“I’m sorry sir, but you can’t just-”

Tony takes off his sunglasses and hat for the first time, giving the man a glare. 

“Can’t I?” Tony asks and walks away. He had a kid to take care of.

\-------

Chapter 10

+++six months ago+++

“You want to what?” Tony couldn’t believe what he had just heard come out of May Parkers’ lips. 

“He just needs to get out of the city. He can’t be here anymore, it’s not good for him.” They were standing in the lobby of Stark tower, May looked- pardon my language- like absolute shit. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her hair was thrown back into a messy bun, and Tony was pretty sure that she was wearing PJs. 

“Look, May I really want to help you with this, but you gotta let me know what’s going on”

“Peter, he- after his uncle died, he wasn’t doing well and he…” She trailed off, not sure she wanted Tony to know this particular thing about Peter (who would totally freak if he found out that she told Tony). “Look that not the point, okay? He needs to get out of the city.”

“Is this about the other night? Because, yeah that was a bit reckless, and yeah I told him to stay away from Toomes, and he didn’t but… he did kinda save my ass, so-”

“Yeah right. It’s okay as long as you benefit, right?” May yelled accusingly. “I don’t need your permission anyway, he’s my kid, so your opinion isn’t relevant.”

Tony was taken aback but tried to hide his hurt. “Why did you even come here in the first place then? Why didn’t you just whisk him away?” He studied her, and it clicked. “Oh of course. You know he’ll never let it go if he knows that I disagreed with you in the first place.” 

Tony sighed. He was definitely going to regret this.

“Okay. Send him away.”

\---------

God, Tony was exhausted. He didn’t sleep the night before. Instead, he just sat with Peter, so that if he woke up he could tell him he was okay.

But, luckily for Tony, the kid was sleeping in. He must have been tired. ‘Yeah probably from all the emotional trauma’. His brain was not helping the situation.

Tony needed to contact a lawyer to see Mays’ will and to make sure that Peter could live with him at the tower. But first, coffee. 

The whole team was in the kitchen. Apparently, when you bring home an unconscious, injured teenager, word spreads. Obviously Steve knew (kind of) what happened, but upon Tonys’ request, he had kept that to himself. 

“Morning everyone,” they were all watching him as he made his coffee and grabbed the cream out of the fridge.

“Hey, Tony,” Nat started, because of course, it was Nat. “Do you wanna tell us about the kid that you tried to sneak in last night?” 

Everyone was watching him. He couldn’t really blame them for being curious. Hell, if one of them had brought some random kid back to the tower, he probably would have demanded that they told him then and there. 

But, Tony was Tony, and he didn’t have to tell anyone shit. 

“Hmmm, not really no. Maybe later.”

“Tony,” Bruce said warningly. Everyone in the room knew that they would find out one way or another.

Oh for fuck sakes. 

“He needs help, so he’s going to stay here for a while.” There was silence. “Annnddd he’s Spider-Man”

The room erupted. 

\-----------

As soon as Tony and Steve were alone on their floor, Steve’s anger exploded. 

“I can’t believe you. Really Tony? A sixteen-year-old kid? When you said you had someone in mind to helps us in Germany, I figured that he was at least an ADULT. What if he was hurt? What if he died?!”

Tony didn’t know what to say. He hated fighting with Steve.

“And then, last night you drag me upstate to some kid who was in a car accident, and you don’t even tell me that he was Spider-Man! What is wrong with you?”

“I know, okay. I know! And I regret that decision every day. But he’s okay! He’s good, I’m looking after him.” Tony knew that was no excuse. He hadn’t been looking forward to this fight.

“God, you really are despicable sometimes, you know that?” Steve turned around and walked out of the room, presumably to go and punch the shit out of a punching bag. “I can’t be around you right now.”

“Yeah neither can I,” Tony said to no one at all.

\---------

Peter woke up feeling like shit. Nothing new about that. But, the soft cloud under him and the silk sheets were definitely new. Annnddd so was the shouting.

“I can’t believe you. Really Tony? A sixteen-year-old kid? When you said you had someone in mind to helps us in Germany, I figured that he was at least an ADULT. What if he was hurt? What if he died?!” The first person sounded super pissed off.

Silence.

“And then, last night you drag me upstate to some kid who was in a car accident, and you don’t even tell me that he was Spider-Man! What is wrong with you?”

Oh my God. It was Tony and Steve. They were fighting because of him.

Everything from the night before came crashing back to him- the fight, the crash, May.

May.

He was alone. Truly alone in the world.

“FRIDAY, can you unlock my window please?”

“Of course, Mr Parker. Don’t forget that Mr Stark still has the Spider-Man suit.” The voice came from the ceiling, God, he would never get used to that.

Right. His suit, Spider-Man, patrol. It probably wouldn’t look very good to just see a kid climbing out of Avengers tower.

“I guess I’ll just have to be quick then.”

He climbed out the window.


	11. I'm Sorry, What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'red'  
> /yellow/
> 
> small trigger warning
> 
> :) stay safe everyone

“FRIDAY, can you unlock my window please?”

“Of course, Mr Parker. Don’t forget that Mr Stark still has the Spider-Man suit.” The voice came from the ceiling, God, he would never get used to that.

Right. His suit, Spider-Man, patrol. It probably wouldn’t look very good to just see a kid climbing out of Avengers tower.

“I guess I’ll just have to be quick then.”

He climbed out of the window. 

\-------

Somehow, Peter ended up on a random roof in Queens. How had everything gotten so fucked? Tony hated him, Spider-Man was gone, May was dead, and it was all Peter’s fault.

God, he needed to hurt. May would hate him for it but she was gone now. 

Peter fumbled in his pocket for his phone, carefully removing its case and grabbing the folded piece of paper within. The sharp metal gleamed in the sun and calmed Peter immediately.

He pushed his sleeves up, revealing almost healed cuts and old scars along his forearms. He brought the blade to his wrist but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Petey-Pie?”

Fuck.

Peter was facing away, towards the street but he knew that voice anywhere.

“Hey, Wade. What’s up?” Peter asked, not turning around. God, he sounded like shit. He tucked the blade in his pants pocket, pulled his sleeves down and turned around, trying his best to smile.

“I should be asking you that,” Wade said as he eyed Peter carefully. He knew something was up, but he didn’t want Peter to disappear again. “You totally vamoosed. No warning, no texts, no calls, just gone. I was worried.”

Oh right.

“And then I come up here, and you have a blade to your wrist and are sitting on the edge of a building.” Deadpool must have seen the panic in Peters’ eyes because he quickly added. “Don’t worry, I’m really not one to judge. Like, at all.”

Peter stayed silent and Wade just sat there with him. Gods know he understands. Putting a bullet in his head is the only way to stop the incessant noise in his skull. 

‘You should definitely say something’

/Yeah! Complement his ass or something/

‘No, that’s not what I meant dipshit’

The boxes continued squabbling and it was driving Wade insane.

“JUST PISS OFF,” he yelled suddenly when it became too much.

Peter looked up from the spot that he was staring at on the floor, hurt in his eyes.

“Wait, no, Spidey- I didn’t, I wasn’t talking to you,” Wade tried to explain, but Peter was already standing up and jumping to the next building. Gone.

\----------

Tony walked up to the door and knocked loudly. 

Steve’s surprised face when he answered quickly morphed into one of anger.

“What, Tony?” He was still pissed.

A pause. 

“I’m sorry. I’m a hot mess, I admit it. I know that it was wrong, but the kid is hurting. And I- I need to look after him… And I can’t do it without you.”

The blondes face softened. Steve always hated fighting. They were both so stubborn, they could spend days without talking- Tony hiding in his lab and Steve beating the shit out of punching bags in the gym. 

“You won’t have to. We can do it together.” Steve turned away, walking towards their bathroom. “I’m going to take a shower.”

Tony nodded, not really what he was expecting. “Okay?”

“And you’re going to join me”

“Better”

\--------

After a half an hour shower (and a few other things), Tony and Steve crashed onto their huge bed. 

“Is Peter still asleep?” Steve asked Tony.

Tony said “Must be”, just as FRIDAY said, “Peter is currently sitting on the roof of 64-16 174th St, Queens.”

“I’m sorry, what?!”


	12. I've got you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***warning for self harm***---> its not super graphic but it's there
> 
> Please be safe <3

After a half an hour shower (and a few other things), Tony and Steve crashed onto their huge bed. 

“Is Peter still asleep?” Steve asked Tony.

Tony said “Must be”, just as FRIDAY said, “Peter is currently sitting on the roof of 64-16 174th St, Queens.”

“I’m sorry, what?!”

\--------

Peter was once again, sitting on a random building in Queens, doing exactly what he was before Pool had interrupted him the first time. It was always shameful, how much it helped. Why couldn’t he just fight with his parents and be super moody like other teenagers? Oh yeah… what parents. 

He looked down and examined the damage on his arms. They were the deepest he had ever gone- deep and red and beautiful. He picked at some old scabs, making them bleed and open up again. More blood running down his arm.

His ritual was interrupted when he heard a familiar, low roar. Iron Man.

Peter didn’t even move when Tony had stepped out of the suit, walking towards him.

“What the fuck were you thinking?! Just disappearing, not telling anyone where you’re going? I was worried sick-” Anger quickly morphed into concern when he looked at Peters’ arms. “Kid, are you okay? Why are you bleeding?”

“Huh? What are you-” Peter followed Tony’s line of sight and found the sleeves of his dark grey shirt covered in red. 

“Kid? Why are you bleeding? You don’t even have your suit… Did you get in a fight, Peter?”

He just shook his head, still looking at the traffic below. If he looked at his mentor, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from-

“Peter? Did you hurt yourself?” His voice was soft, more tender than Peter heard before. 

Peter froze.

Tony walked towards him cautiously and started moving his arm towards Peters’ sleeve. He didn’t move, so Tony gently lifted up his sleeve.

There was a sharp inhale. From Peter or Tony, neither of them knew. 

Looking down, Peter saw that his arm suddenly seemed a lot worse than it had before- deep, angry cuts in jagged lines up and down the forearm, slowly closing and healing.

If Peter hadn’t have been so out of it, he would have recoiled- pushed Tony away, run, anything, but his blood loss and lack of food were making him drowsy.

Without saying anything, Tony scooped the teen up into his arms and flew home.

“I’ve got you, bambino. I got you.”

\------------

Peter ended up getting 37 stitches. He had never gotten stitches before.

“You’re all done, Peter,” Doctor Cho patted his knee, collected her equipment and left the uncomfortably silent room.

Mr Stark hadn’t said a word since they arrived back at the compound. He seemed pretty calm, all things considered. 

Well… calm on the outside. On the inside, Tony was freaking out. 

How had he not noticed? His kid was hurting so much that he hurt himself! How had he not noticed?

How long had this been going on? Days? Weeks? Years?! With Peter’s healing, it was impossible to tell. 

Images of Peter’s arms flashed in his mind. They had been so deep, tearing through muscle and skin. 

And now, Doctor Cho was gone, and they all alone.

“I’m sorry, Mr Stark” God, the kid looked so broken- dark eyes, pale face and jesus, when did the kid get so skinny?

“God, don’t apologise kid. You don’t need to apologise to me. I’m sorry. I should have noticed, I- I should have known. I could have helped.” The man sounded heartbroken.

Peter just stayed silent, tears rolling down his face.

Tony really wanted to hold his kid and let him cry into his shirt. But something held him back. A small voice in his head chanting ‘not May, not May, not May’. And Tony really didn’t want to upset the kid even more by trying to replace his Aunt.

He patted the kid on the shoulder as a lame attempt to comfort him. “Come on kid. It’s late, let’s get you to bed.”

Peter stood up as Tony started guiding him towards his room.

Tony sat with him quietly for a moment, trying to think of something- anything, to say.

Peter was still out of it- and then it struck him- he’s disassociating. 

“Pete?” No response. 

“Get some rest kid. We’ll deal with this tomorrow.”


	13. Just Help Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as always, trigger warning! Please be safe

Peter stood up as Tony started guiding him towards his room.

Tony sat with him quietly for a moment, trying to think of something- anything, to say.

Peter was still out of it- and then it struck him- he’s disassociating. 

“Pete?” No response. 

“Get some rest kid. We’ll deal with this tomorrow.”

\---------

Peter feels like death when he wakes up. 

So basically, no different from usual. 

Peters’ self-loathing was interrupted by a voice from the ceiling. “The boss wants to see you in the common floor kitchen,” the Irish accent sounded almost apologetic. “You might want to hurry, Peter.”

Everything from the night before came crashing back down- the fight, Wade, the building, the blood... and Tony. 

He knew. He had seen.

Peter ripped his sleeve up- he had stitches? He’d never needed stitches before. 

“Fuuuuuucccckkk”

Fuck  
Fuck fuck  
Shitty fuckity fuck  
He fucked up. It wasn’t meant to get this bad. It was just meant to be a temporary thing. Just for a day. But it was good, I was fine. But it was a hole.  
He needed to leave. He had to get out of this tower.

“FRIDAY, open the window.”

Nothing happened.

“FRIDAY! The window?”

“I’m sorry, but you are not permitted to exit the tower at this point in time”

Fuck.

He needed to leave.

He needed to hurt.

Stumbling into his bathroom, he only just remembered to close and lock the door. Peter grabbed his blade from his phone, pressing it to his thigh.

“Peter, if you continue, I will have to inform Mr Stark.”

“Mute.” Tears were running down his face.

Why wasn’t it helping?

Was he so fucked up that not even the most fucked things could help him?

He couldn’t feel anything. He went deeper, half an inch, a full inch. And still nothing.

There was a knock on the door. He froze. Who-?

“Pete, buddy, I know you’re in there. Do you wanna let me in?”

“I’m so sorry, Mr Stark. I-”

There was blood all over the floor, all over his hand, all over him.

“Peter, I promise I’m not mad, but you gotta let me in, okay?”

“I can’t- I can’t get up, Mr Stark.” God, his legs didn’t even look like legs anymore, just shredded pieces of flesh.

“Shit, okay. I’m coming in.” 

“How are you-” Peter started but was interrupted by a loud crash. He had broken the door. 

“Oh, Pete.” How the fuck was he meant to do this? “Hey FRI, do me a favour and get Brucie down into the med bay, I’m bringing someone in. And tell him not to tell anyone.”

“Confirmed”

Okay. Now actually getting him to the med bay. 

\-------------------------------

“Jesus Tony, what happened to him?” When they finally arrived at the medical wing, Peter in Tonys’ arms, Bruce was waiting and ready.

“He- just help him, Bruce. Please.” 

Tony never said please.

“Yeah, of course. Put him down over here.”

Tony watched in silence as Bruce busied himself. 

After stopping the bleeding, he cleaned the cuts with saline and applied antibiotic ointment. It was obvious that the cuts were self-inflicted, but the haunted expression on Tonys’ face told Bruce that he definitely already knew that. Bringing it up now wasn’t going to help Peter.

“I’m sorry Mr Stark. I didn’t mean for it to get this bad.” Peter was still dopey from the drugs but was coming too quickly because of his fast metabolism.

Bruce took that as his queue to leave, quietly leaving the two in silence. 

“Okay, now’s the part when you tell me everything because if you haven’t noticed, I’m kind of freaking the fuck out.” Tony sounded scared.

“I can’t- I can’t just talk about it. It’s easier if, um, if you ask questions.”

“Okay, that’s fair. How long has this been going on?”

Peter swallowed. This was all getting very real.

“Umm for a couple of years? Uhh yeah. I think it started around when Ben died. On and off though- not the whole time.”

Jesus Christ. It was getting harder and harder for Tony to keep his composure. “How long this time?”

“A couple of weeks after the beginning of school I guess.” It was getting harder and harder for Peter to not cry. 

“And… um” God, Tony hated himself for this question. “Did May know?”

“Yeah. That’s uh, that’s why we left. That night.” A tear slid silently down his face, suddenly full of shame.

He had disappointed her so many times, broken countless promises- ‘no, never again, I promise May’, ‘yeah, of course, I’ll be back before twelve, May’, and ‘yeah, I ate at school, May’. And now she was gone. And he didn’t save her. 

She was gone, and it was all his fault. He should have saved her. If he wasn’t so mentally fucked, she’d still be alive.

“-ter? Kid, you’ve got to breathe, it’s important ya know. That’s it. Just like that. Good job, you’re okay.” Tonys’ voice was so calm, so peaceful.

“Mr Stark? Can I have a hug?” Peter asked carefully.

As if Tony could ever say no to him.

“Of course, kid”

And Tony finally did what he had wanted to do since he saw Peter sitting on that hospital bed two days ago.

He wrapped him up in a firm embrace, stroking Peter head that had bee buried in his chest.

“And it’s Tony kid.”


	14. Yadda Yadda Yadda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow two chapters in one day? I really ought to get a life

“Mr Stark? Can I have a hug?” Peter asked carefully.

As if Tony could ever say no to him.

“Of course, kid”

And Tony finally did what he had wanted to do since he saw Peter sitting on that hospital bed two days ago.

He wrapped him up in a firm embrace, stroking Peter head that had bee buried in his chest.

“And it’s Tony kid.”

\------------------

It had been a few weeks since the whole heart to heart thing, and in all honesty, Peter was actually doing pretty well. Although Mr Stark- Tony- certainly didn’t know all of his secrets (and it would stay that way, thank you very much), he knew enough. Peter had been clean for twelve days. And today, he was going back to school.

But, definitely not before breakfast. Great! Food. 

Peters’ thoughts were interrupted.

“Oh hey, by the way, you have a blood test this afternoon, so make sure you don’t eat or drink anything for four hours before okay?” Mr Starks voice flooded his ears, but Peter froze.

“WHAT?”

“I said you have a blood test, so don’t eat this arvo, yadda yadda yadda.” Peters’ brain didn’t really comprehend Mr Starks’ words. “Wait, why are you so freaked?”

Fuck fuck fuck. This is not good. There are so many things- oh my god. Fuck. He definitely had low levels of everything because he never ate enough. Fuuuccckkk this was a problem.

“I’m not freaked?! Why would I be freaked? I’m great. How are you doing Mr Stark?” Peter tried to change the subject desperately, but unfortunately for a lot of people in Tony’s life, he didn’t let things go easily. 

“Hey, hey Pete, it’s okay to not like needles you know. Hey, Peter! Kid, you gotta breathe with me here.” Peter was hyperventilating, Mr Stark couldn’t what a mess he is, how weak Spiderman really is. He would find out, and then everything would be ruined. He’d take the suit, and he’d- oh my god Peter was going to get fat.

Peter laughs bitterly. Tony actually thinks he’s doing better. Well… let’s just say Peter may not be a great actor, but he always learns from his mistakes. And there was /definitely/ not going to be a history repeat.

Slowly, Peter realises that Tony is staring at him. Can’t blame him really- Peter had gone from totally fine, to freaking out, to having a low-key panic attack, and then to laughing darkly to himself in the space of about 2 minutes. It was a bit of a rollercoaster.

Peter clears his throat to try and ease up some of the tension in the room, but only makes it kind of more awkward. 

‘I guess I’ll just have to figure something out then’ he thinks to himself.

Great. 

\-------  
Tony’s POV

It was a pretty usual Tuesday morning at Stark tower. Peter, Tony, Nat, Bruce and Steve were in the kitchen having breakfast, and the kid had been rambling about some science project for school.

Tony and Bruce had been talking about getting their hands on Peter’s blood for a while now. Not in a creepy ‘i vant to suck your vlood’ way obviously, but in a ‘hey, his powers are super cool, I wonder what’s going on in that DNA’ kind of way.

Tony had just assumed Pete would be fine with it- he was always finding new things to test his powers and such.

“Oh hey, by the way, you have a blood test this afternoon, so make sure you don’t eat or drink anything for four hours before okay?” Tony figured he should probably run the idea by Peter first anyway.

Then there was a crash from the sink where Peter had been rinsing his plate.

“WHAT?” Peter sounded absolutely horrified by this idea.

“I said you had a blood test, so don’t eat this arvo, yadda yadda yadda.” Tonys’ brain didn’t really recognise that Peter sounded super distressed until a few seconds later. “Wait, why are you so freaked?”

Peter was breathing a million miles an hour, he had gone all pale and looked like a light wind could knock him over.

“I’m not freaked?! Why would I be freaked? I’m great. How are you doing Mr Stark?” Peter had not so smoothly tried to change the conversation, but only an idiot would look at this kid and he was okay. 

Tony stood up from his stool and ran around to Peter who had now slid down onto the floor in front of the sink.

Nat, Steve and Bruce, who had been having their own conversation at the dining table now looked over to the kitchen to see what the commotion was. 

Tony, however, was way too preoccupied to notice their gazes fixed on him. 

“Hey, hey Pete, it’s okay to not like needles you know. Hey, Peter! Kid, you gotta breathe with me here.” God, if he kept this up, he was going to pass out. “In and out, buddy”. The kid continued to gasp in tiny bits of air, but not nearly enough.

Tony grabbed Peter’s hand and put it over his heart, next to the arc reactor. “Hey, feel that? Yeah, you’re okay. You’re with me, Tony. You’re okay. We’re in Avengers tower, we just finished breakfast remember?” 

Peter was slowly calming down, taking deeper breathes and starting to realise what happened. 

And as suddenly as the whole panic had started, it was over. Peter was up off the floor and walking towards the elevator go to school.

What the hell.

“Pete?” Tony sounded very unsure of what the fuck was going on, and Peter just turned around, walking backwards.

“I’ll see you this arvo then!” And then he was gone.

Tony turned towards the others, clear bewilderment clear in his expression. He was not the only one- Steve was frowning, Bruce look confused and even Nat looked concerned.

“What just-” Steve started to ask, but Tony just shook his head and walked away. He was going to get the bottom of this.


	15. This is Fine

“Pete?” Tony sounded very unsure of what the fuck was going on, and Peter just turned around, walking backwards.

“I’ll see you this arvo then!” And then he was gone.

Tony turned towards the others, clear bewilderment clear in his expression. He was not the only one- Steve was frowning, Bruce looked confused and even Nat looked concerned.

“What just-” Steve started to ask, but Tony just shook his head and walked away. He was going to get the bottom of this.

\---------

Okay. This is fine. Peter could deal with this.

If he just ate a shit-tonne of food today, his enhanced metabolism would hopefully absorb enough nutrients for his bloods to resemble some sense of normalcy. 

So, now all had to do was actually eat a fuck-tonne.

Fantastic.

\---------

Before running out of the tower, Peter swung (pun totally intended) by the training level and grabbed two hand-fulls of his special protein bars and stuffed them in his backpack.

Then, when lunchtime came he scoffed half of them down, as well as the lunch from the cafeteria. 

He was actually pretty successful… Until he wasn’t. And everything came back up. All over the floor of the cafeteria. 

Well shit.

\-------------------------------------time skip because the author is lazy--------------------------------------

The walls of the health room were moving as Peter sat on the stiff bed. God, he hated vomiting. Especially when it wasn’t purposeful. And he was at school. In the middle of the cafeteria. Surrounded his peers. Some of which would tease him endlessly. 

That definitely wasn’t going away soon. 

The door opened, and a greying woman walked in. Nurse Nelson, he thinks. 

“Okay, hun. I got the reception to call your emergency contact and Mr…” She has to look twice at the paperwork. “Stark will be here soon. Sit tight.”

Fuck.

\-----------------

“Hey, kiddo. Not feeling too bright, hey? Come on, then. Let’s get you home.”

God, standing up was the absolute last thing Peter wanted to do right now.

“Yeah I know Pete, but I get the feeling you don’t want your classmates to see me carrying you bridal style.”

Had he said that out loud? And who was this person?

It might be helpful if he opened his eyes. But… he was so comfortable and warm, he could stay there forever.

But, the hand on his shoulder was determined to stop him from sleeping, and he was being dragged up by strong, warm hands.

“Ughhhnnnn”

Jesus, he felt like shit. His head was throbbing and his throat was itching, waiting for something to be shoved harshly down it, forcing the contents of his stomach back up. But there was nothing left. 

“Come on, kid. You’re kind of freaking me out here.”

He finally opened his eyes.

“Let’s go home, Pete”

All he could do was nod.

\-------------

“Mis’er Stark?”

“Yeah, kid?”

“I don’t want to get a blood test.”

“That’s okay, kid.”

Peter couldn’t see Tony frowning.


End file.
